Unremarkable hair, Vitor Periera, 80s trackies, protecting the dolls on the pitch
This weekend in the Premier League - and beyond
Unremarkable haircuts on, from left to right, Kobbie Mainoo, Jamie Vardy and Antonee Robinson
In praise of the unremarkable
In football, there’s almost as much chat around haircuts as there is around var. High profile trims include Erling Haarland’s ponytail held back by a Bon Dep hairtie (he has a minority stake in the company), James Maddison’s shaggy cut shaved at the sides and compared to a Lord of the Rings character by the Sp*rs fanbase, Grealish’s pineapple, Phil Foden’s set-square precise micro-fringe and Jude Bellingham’s perfect fade, one requested across hair texture at barbers nationwide.
But it’s struck me recently how many non-haircuts there are along with these showstoppers, how many players have what I am calling the unremarkable haircut. This isn’t a style as such. Instead, it’s the kind of haircut is as likely to be found on a teacher, a bike mechanic, a bartender - anyone, basically. It doesn’t want attention. Its default is to blend in, to become part of the mood music of a football match rather than something to jolt you out of your fan-state. But once you see it - on Jarrod Bowen, on Jamie Vardy, on Antonee Robinson, on Leandro Trossard - it’s all you see. Because, there may be the Maddisons and the Harlaands but with 900-odd men across the Premier League, the majority of them - no matter what they do on a pitch on Saturday - prefer their hair not to be a talking point.
Most elite footballers have their haircut before every match, a fact I only learnt earlier this year when writing about barber-to-the-Prem, Kings Cuts. There’s a concern about looking fresh, something that’s understandable considering the amount of cameras in their face when they’re playing, not mention the number of people watching on TV. The unremarkable - which, by its very intent is not to be remarked upon - is a response to this. It’s playing it safe, flying under the radar, in haircut form.
But it’s not just about avoiding stick, from team mates or trolls on social media. It can also spell focus, and it projects a quiet desire for respectability. Robinson’s hair gives this vibe to me, as does Andy Robertson’s. Meanwhile, Bowen’s and Vardy’s unremarkables feel more pointed - the hair of the kind a player that home fans love, and everyone else loves to hate. The unremarkable can also be slightly endearing - as with Myles Lewis-Skelly (who loves his Grandma), Kaoru Mitoma, and Pedro Neto, who pairs his with a musketeers style beard, for a boy band-adjacent clean-cut look. It can be transformational too - Kobbie Mainoo, previously known for his short locks, went for an unremarkable in April, and scored the equiliser in that 5-4 thriller against Lyon not long after.
The Sacred Tierney and his perfect unremarkable
Perhaps the ultimate unremarkable is on the head of Kieran Tierney, or the Sacred Tierney, as my Dad’s Celtic-mad friend calls him. A football player who has taken a Tesco carrier to training rather than the usual Goyard washbag, and tucks his shirt into his shorts, Tierney’s unremarkable is, like the Tesco bag, so normal that it’s jarring. It goes full circle and becomes a talking point. Widely believed to be (sad face) returning to Celtic from Arsenal this summer, I will miss Tierney’s remarkable unremarkable, along with his wicked crossing of the ball.
Is Vitor Periera a slept-on style god?
Menswear loves a normcore fashion hero. See Adam Sandler, or Larry David. Vitor Pereira could fit in here. Granted, he is rarely pictured out of a Wolves tracksuit with the tapered training trouser fit and a puffer jacket with the club crest, but this in itself is a move.
Vitor Pereira getting involved
In a post-Guardiola Prem, the dugout has become home to looks that wouldn’t look out of place on a Succession extra - quarter zip tops, expensive hoodies, nice white shirts, tech bro directional scarves. So to go full kit like Pereira stands out - it says ‘I’ve only got one thing on my mind, and that is Wolverhampton Wanderers football club'. The fact that he combines this with a European take on an unremarkable (see above), penchant for beers at a Spoons after the game and five wins in a row, means he’s no doubt a hero and style reference for the fanbase, and beyond.
Eighties tracksuit fits are back
For their walk out on Sunday to play Arsenal, I noticed - and admired - the jacket worn by Ipswich Town, a XL-fitted design with an oversized Umbro diamond across the body and arms. In contrast to the usual straight-cut designs of most walk out jackets, this looked straight out the eighties, when shorts were short, mullets were long and fouls were very painful.
A terrible screenshot from MOTD2 featuring Ipswich Town’s walkout tops
Another suggestion this era is back is the hoodie with retro stripes that Ruben Amorim seems to - slightly oddly? - be wearing on repeat, the one that looks a bit like goalkeeper gear from 1987. He had it on again on Sunday, for Man United’s defeat to Wolves. With rollercoaster form and his tenure increasingly in the spotlight, it could be called an emotional support hoodie, a very 2025 concept even if the aesthetic is anything but.
Protecting the dolls, on the pitch
Some things, as Kerstin Casparji wrote on her Instagram, are “bigger than football”. The Man City defender wore a wristband with the trans colours for their match against Everton, a statement of support in the days following the Supreme Court decision to define a woman based on biological sex, and a protest against the ruling in London numbering 20,000 people.
Casparji is to be applauded and held up as an example across football - how powerful it would be to see a player in the Premier League make a similar sartorial stand.